General considerations about toxic friendships

A friendship relationship can be warm and filled with good moments, but it can also be a toxic relationship with unhealthy experiences that put us down and impede our growth.

Toxic friendships are those that demonstrate some harmful behavior that makes you feel bad, fearful and within a negative pattern. For example, that friend who demands much more than you can offer either emotionally or financially or that envious friend that you have some fear of sharing their achievements.

Just as we take care of the love relationships we nurture, it is important to observe who is on our side as a friend. Knowing what the real posture of our friends and confidants is can help us understand which relationship should be discontinued and which can be rethought.

We have organized in this article the characteristics of toxic friends, so that you can recognize and reflect on your friendship relationships.Read now!

Toxic people, toxic friendships and negative effects

Being around negative people and toxic friendships will only bring thoughts, feelings and energies with negative effects. Follow here all the important information about this type of behavior.

What is a toxic person?

It is considered a toxic person, one who presents harmful behavior to others and negative attitudes. They can be people who are very friendly and close, but who are controlling, victimistic, liars, too competitive or who only think about themselves.

It is someone who seems to walk in the opposite direction to you, producing bad effects around you, such as a feeling of inadequacy, sadness and confusion that generates a constant questioning in you.

Those who present one of these characteristics may be harming the affective relationships they have. It is important to observe their behavior and verify if it is something that can be talked about or if it is better to stay away, even if it is for a while.

When does a friendship become toxic?

A friendship becomes toxic when that bond is no longer being fruitful and companionable. If you don't feel like being with the person or if you are afraid to talk about your happenings with them, this relationship is not being healthy.

Similarly, friendship has become toxic when the interaction becomes a burden or martyrdom that you just want to walk away from, even if unconsciously at first, because you feel like you can't enjoy that encounter.

From the moment that being with the person becomes difficult or stressful, you should take a step back to better understand the fruits that this relationship is nurturing.

What are toxic friendships?

A toxic friendship is a friend who can harm others with their words and attitudes, affecting the social, financial and emotional side of those around them. It's someone who will influence you by only following what they think is right, leaving aside other opinions and decisions that you want to make.

In a toxic friendship you begin to carry emotions like guilt, loneliness, insecurity and nervousness. You find yourself dependent on this relationship, carrying the feeling that you can't move on without this friend.

A toxic friend can also be someone who lies in various contexts, has exaggerated pessimism, displays envy, or plays the victim, becoming the center of attention as the sufferer.

Also, it can be one that puts you or another friend in uncomfortable or vexatious situations, making you feel bad.

What are the negative effects of toxic friendships?

One of the negative effects of this type of relationship is that you begin to question your own attitudes, thinking that it is you who is wrong.

It is possible that you take into consideration everything the other person says about you, or you need to deal with that person's harmful attitudes in relationships with other friends, dating and family, or even at work.

You stop taking care of yourself and your mental health and start living with the negative energies of a toxic friendship. Also, you end up not commenting or sharing important things in your life for fear of what the other person will say.

How do I know if I am being a toxic person?

Not always the toxic person in the relationship is the other person. Sometimes you need to observe your attitudes and posture as a friend to understand that your behavior is or is being toxic, causing discomfort and negative feelings in your friends.

To understand if you are being a toxic person, you need to look at the comments you make, whether they are positive or constructive. See if your words help the other person or just put them down.

You should also notice if you are a listening friend or if you only talk about yourself, without making room for your partners' feelings and happenings. If you are always being pessimistic or centering the conversation on you, perhaps this is indicative of toxic behavior, showing a lack of companionship and empathy.

We should be the kind of friend we want around us, if you are not being a companion, you can hardly charge others for the toxic attitudes they show.

How to identify toxic friends

Toxic friendships can exist in many different forms with their specific profiles and attitudes. Therefore, we have made a list below with each toxic friend profile and their main characteristics.

Constantly putting him down

This toxic friend profile is the one who finds fault with everything related to you, diminishing your achievements, making harmful comments or comparisons with other people. It is a toxic friendship that generates a feeling of inferiority with feelings that you will never be able to please, even though you have no such obligation.

They gossip and talk about you behind your back

The toxic, gossipy friend will be the one who listens to your confidences and stories and tells them around, commenting to people he shouldn't and sometimes making bad comments about you that he would never say in front of you.

This attitude ends up creating conflicts or uncomfortable situations that could be avoided if the friend had not been disrespectful and unreliable.

Are selfish and focus only on themselves

A selfish person who doesn't listen to the other person has a hard time being a good friend. This type of toxic friendship is configured by a lack of listening and empathy.

You feel that you don't have someone to share your lines with, and besides, you may be living with a friend who doesn't accept your comments because he is too focused on the conclusions he has drawn for himself. So, it's a one-sided relationship and time wasted in a tiresome conversation.

They are dramatic and constantly put themselves as "victims"

The dramatic friend can be a toxic friendship when you realize that he will always put himself as the center of attention and the victim of everything that happens to him, even if he is the cause of some events and conflicts.

Another point is that this toxic friend will not take criticism very well, because he believes that since you are a friend, you need to agree with his version of the facts.

They lie and manipulate

The lying, manipulative person controls the friendship. They will try to influence your attitudes and emotions. It is the toxic friendship that says or does things to get what they want.

You realize that you are being manipulated and in an abusive relationship when you make decisions according to what the other person thinks is right, leaving aside your opinion and preferences.

They're envious

If you live with someone who is not happy with your achievements, who belittles what you say, you are living with a toxic and jealous friendship.

It's when you have a friend who doesn't put you up or who wants to have everything you have. You become afraid to call them up to talk and start to doubt the opinion and feelings shown by the friend.

They are pessimistic

Pessimistic people find it difficult to see anything positive in events, they believe that it will not work out and end up reflecting this thought in other people.

This is a type of toxic friendship that needs attention, as this friend may be dealing with some mental health issue, like depression and anxiety, that needs care. Observe and talk to them, but be sure to guard against pessimistic opinions.

They compete with you

The toxic and competitive friend is the one who is always bigger in everything that is said, whether in a positive or negative aspect. If you are feeling sad, he is really bad, if you failed to finish a task at work, he didn't even make it to work.

This type of friend will make comparisons trying to show that he is in a more important or impactful situation than you.

The competition can also be in material goods, bringing some of the characteristic of the envious friend. If you bought an object, he will buy a more expensive or more efficient good. One of the effects of this toxic friendship is that it ends up generating an excessive comparison between friends.

Blame everyone around them for their own problems

When the person blames everyone around them for everything that happens to them, they fail to take responsibility for their own relationships. This type of person is a bit like the victim profile, it will take a lot of talking to change this friend's mind, which ends up being exhausting.

Dealing with a friend like this means having conversations full of complaints and pointing at other people. He will always put the blame on the other person, even though you know that he also has a share of blame in some situations.

Also, you may feel manipulated and have a sense of guilt if you become one of the people he believes have hurt him at some point.

Create uncomfortable situations for you

The friend who puts you in uncomfortable situations in any environment does not take into consideration your insecurities and your well-being.

It's important to identify whether he does this intentionally or not, because he may think that you know how to handle these situations well and that they don't affect you. Many times, he may have a funny way of doing this just as a joke, but it ends up generating negative effects on your relationship.

They criticize and humiliate him in public "subtly"

Another type of toxic friend is one who makes unnecessary comments in the midst of other people "accidentally." He acts like he really didn't want to expose you or have said something that made you upset, but he had every intention of affecting your behavior.

He carries a very subtle way of criticizing friendships through comments that expose or humiliate. It's a type of friend that you're left wondering if he's doing it out of spite or not.

They try to change their way of being

You may be living a toxic friendship if you live with someone who does not accept and criticizes your way of being, be it something physical, personality or any other issue pertaining to you. It is the friend who speaks badly of your appearance, your taste and your way.

A toxic friend will try to change what he thinks should be changed, even if you don't want him to. He affects your self-confidence and your emotional or professional growth.

How to deal with toxic friendships

Maybe you've identified a friend who fits into the types of toxic friendships and you don't know how to deal with the situation. Here's how you can resolve this toxic relationship and what's the best course of action.

Talk to your friend about how you feel

The first step is to think about what actions are being harmful and call your friend for a serious and honest talk. Sometimes, he doesn't realize he's having these bad attitudes and needs to become aware.

This is where you identify if the person really knows how you feel and maybe a good dialogue will change the pattern of friendship between you.

Understand if the person is toxic or is being toxic

The friend's behavior may be different now because of some situation they are going through in their professional life, love life, or other friendship relationship. Try to remember all the time you have known this toxic friend. Has they always been this way or is this a behavior that is being identified recently?

Like the topic above, many times the person doesn't know they are or are being toxic. Think about their attitudes and see if you can dialogue or continue living with this unhealthy attitude until it is resolved.

Reflect on whether it is worth keeping the relationship

Think about the real importance of this friend in your life. Do you want to keep this relationship the way it is today? If you believe that just changing your attitude towards your friend will solve the problem, make this unilateral change and keep the relationship going.

Another option is to acknowledge the problem, make a list with the pros and cons and try to talk to your friend to change what is not being positive in this toxic friendship. If even then, you still think it's best to walk away, don't hesitate and do it. Prioritize your mental health.

You can be friends in a different way or you can live with just the memories of everything you've experienced together. Whether it's a long-standing friendship or a recent bond of friendship, it's important to remember that not all friendships should and need to stay close.

What is the tolerance limit for toxic friendships?

In fact, there is no proper boundary, toxic friendships are harmful and need to be resolved as soon as possible. You should try dialogue with this person and, if necessary, distancing or a change in the friendship relationship.

The limit of tolerance for toxic friendships is the extent to which you feel you have to live with the person and understand the effects that the friendship will continue to have.

If you allow toxic friends to influence your life and share your moments, maybe you need to reflect on your friendship pattern.

The most important thing is for you to understand what kind of friendship relationship you're in. Then, recognize if it's a toxic friendship that can be changed or if you need to walk away for your own good. Build healthy relationships around yourself so that true, nurturing friendships are formed.