What is emotional dependency?

Emotional dependence occurs in interpersonal relationships, especially in love, and is the need that a person has of another to be happy, make choices and give a direction for life originated from lack of self-esteem, self-confidence and self-love.

People who become emotionally dependent on someone, hardly live well with the individual by their side, as if they no longer know how to live without this person. This type of relationship is not healthy for anyone, because one deposits in the other the expectation and need to fill the void.

It is not so simple to deal with emotional dependence, because many do not realize that they are dependent on another human being for any task or simple choice in life, besides feeling afraid of making mistakes and being rejected. Therefore, they can no longer make their own choices alone, leaving their lives in the hands of another.

Do you identify yourself or know someone who is in this condition? Find out in this article all about emotional dependence.

Symptoms of emotional dependency

Symptoms of emotional dependence are more easily perceived by those who are not involved in the relationship, but not impossible for those who are in this state. Learn what the symptoms are by reading the following topics.

Difficulty in having their own autonomy

Emotional dependence brings difficulty for the person to have their own autonomy, feels insecure when being or doing something alone, especially with situations concerning their life as a whole, becoming unable to take care of themselves. There is a sense of security when the other individual is around to help.

The individual gives up control of their own life and their own choices to the other, which will become a headache in the future, especially if they are in an abusive relationship.

Therefore, it is best to analyze what you are feeling and what you are doing so as not to lose your own autonomy and not fall into an emotionally dependent relationship.

Difficulty in disagreeing

When a person has difficulty disagreeing with another, they are usually more emotionally fragile, want to please everyone and avoid unnecessary arguments. This attitude is dangerous, because many can take advantage of this individual to get what they want.

Besides emotional fragility, this difficulty may come from some childhood trauma, some traumatic experience at some point in the individual's life or from fear of being criticized or disapproved. It is necessary to learn to stand up to people, set limits and learn to say "no", even if it may bother you.

Fear of being abandoned

As soon as the person feels that their life makes no sense without their partner around, the fear of being abandoned and rejected becomes constant. Therefore, they take attitudes that can be unpleasant, pushing anyone away from their coexistence. Any situation or event is a nightmare and those who are emotionally dependent think that they will be left aside.

In a love relationship, if the partner does activities that do not include the person, it will be seen as abandonment and then a feeling of helplessness arises. The thought that life will no longer have meaning if the relationship ends arises. This fear may arise from some abandonment by parents or close relatives in childhood.

Submission and ignoring one's own wills

In emotional dependence, it is common for the person to accept everything silently, become submissive, ignore their own desires, stop taking care of themselves and put their dreams and goals aside to do whatever their partner asks and is always apologizing for anything.

At this stage, the person no longer knows how to live alone, cannot do something simple for themselves without someone by their side, but will do anything for their partner.

Anxiety with distance

By not knowing more live without the partner around, the anxiety appears, making the person controlling. This attitude suffocates the partner, making the estrangement or termination the best decision to take, however, is not an easy task to accomplish. Both get hurt and who is emotionally dependent tries everything to avoid this.

Moreover, emotional dependence worsens with distance. Anxiety also arises when the partner is around, because the fear of getting into an argument and being abandoned is desperate. It is necessary to cultivate self-love to avoid this situation.

Excessive care of the partner

Another symptom of emotional dependence is the excessive care with the partner, as always wanting to be pleasing and do everything possible to keep the relationship standing. All this care makes the person to be more dedicated to the partner, forgetting about themselves.

The partner feels suffocated by all of this and then begins to withdraw from the person, who in turn may feel that they are not doing their best, going into despair. Then, if they realize that termination is going to happen, the emotionally dependent individual tends to resort to manipulation and emotional blackmail to keep the partner around.

Feeling of denial

To avoid arguments and fights with the partner, the person ignores all the problems that appear during the relationship, avoiding the discomfort and hoping that everything will be fine. However, deep down he knows that at some point these adversities will appear and must be resolved.

Hiding the problems will only make them worse once they surface. The right thing to do is to talk to your partner about what is going on and listen to what the other has to say, coming to a solution without fighting, without selfishness, without manipulation and without disrespect.

Feeling of guilt

The feeling of guilt is present in those who are in the state of emotional dependence. No matter what happens or if the partner is wrong, the person will always feel guilty and apologize to avoid fights and the end of the relationship. Thus, the partner can take advantage to manipulate the person for any purpose.

In addition, the person feels obligated to make others happy, and when something goes wrong, even if others have done something wrong, they take the blame for it. There is no need to apologize or feel guilty for an event that was caused by other people.

Mood swings

The mood can vary constantly, feeling dependent and happy at the same time and suddenly starts to feel anger, hatred, sadness, generating arguments and paranoia. Therefore, the mood swing makes the person think they are in a victim position and act as such, expecting everyone to feel pity and pity.

Because of being emotionally dependent, the person tries to have enough attention from the partner in the relationship and when he/she realizes that the relationship is not as it should be, he/she feels anger and sadness and even thinks about a possible termination. However, it is not easy to get out of emotional dependence, at the same time that one feels good, one feels sad.

Causes of emotional dependency

The causes of Emotional Dependence vary from person to person, most having their onset in childhood. It is necessary to have a psychological follow-up to get a more accurate diagnosis and start the best treatment. To find out what causes Emotional Dependence, read the topics below.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is a cause that can come from several factors such as the creation by parents or guardians in childhood, poor coexistence with other children growing up, social interactions, prejudice, among others. Growing up with criticism about appearance, body and psychological conditions brings serious consequences in life and relationships.

It is common for a person who has suffered bullying or prejudice at school or has been criticized by parents and family members to become attached to their partner and become emotionally dependent. This happens because they think they will not be able to get another partner so easily in the future, that they may be exchanged for someone else, or to use this as validation for their parents and society.

Extreme insecurity

The person feels extreme insecurity, believing that they will be alone all their life if they don't do everything for their partner. Besides lacking self-confidence, they don't think they are interesting, beautiful or capable of achieving anything. So they cancel themselves out in order to dedicate all their time to making their partner happy.

Sometimes there is the thought that the other person may become disinterested in the person and in the relationship, with a tendency for the relationship to end at any moment. For this reason, there is a lot of flattery, blind dedication, abandonment of one's own desires and basic care in order to take care of the partner. In these cases, psychological and emotional abuse usually occurs.

Thinks it's love

The emotionally dependent person who is in a relationship thinks that what they feel is love, however, what they really feel is the need to make up for the lack of affection and care that they suffered in childhood. Because of this, many people fall into toxic and abusive relationships, especially women.

Moreover, it is normal for an emotionally dependent person to confuse love with obsession, refuse to see reality, deny that they have emotional dependence, ignore contrary opinions and harm the partner even if they do not intend to. Finally, the individual only discovers that they were in this state after they leave the relationship and get over the breakup.

Lack of affection in childhood

Lack of Affection in Childhood is the most common cause for a person to develop emotional dependency in a relationship due to not having received all the necessary care and affection at this stage. Unfortunately there are many children who grow up in conflicting family environments with an absence of affection.

In addition, the excess of rules, punishments, helplessness and lack of security make the person look for someone to overcome all these faults and insecurities in adulthood. The way the child was raised reflects in adulthood in the way he acts affectively with his partner.

Social Convention

Unfortunately there is a large part of society that sees emotional dependency as a form of love and affection, ignoring all the harmful attitudes and feelings with one's own individual. The beliefs and statements they state to others can influence them to fall into toxic or abusive relationships with the thought that love is that way.

A common example to hear from someone is that excessive jealousy shows how much the partner cares for the person. Justifying control over the partner's life and freedom is also seen as a demonstration of care and concern. There are several examples that can be seen in everyday life, and those who believe this, get stuck in toxic relationships more easily.

How to deal with emotional dependency

To stop being emotionally dependent is not one of the easiest tasks, however, it is not impossible. Just have discipline and apply some simple tips that are listed below.

Recognize the symptoms

The first step to freeing yourself from emotional dependency is to recognize the symptoms and practice self-observation along with self-love. It is a mistake to turn a person into your only source of love, care and affection, being harmful to both. Ending this dependency transfers all the care and need for attention to yourself.

At first there may be resistance and difficulty in analyzing your own feelings and attitudes towards yourself and your partner. However, once you realize you have all or most of the symptoms, it becomes easier to find a way out of it.

Keep your individuality

Keeping individuality is important for anyone in any type of relationship, because everyone is the way they are and no one should change themselves to be accepted in a love relationship. Try to practice self-acceptance and perform some important activities or hobbies without needing the partner around.

In a healthy relationship, each one keeps their individuality, accept the virtues and defects of the other, even working to improve these negative parts. So don't cancel yourself out, don't change your beliefs, tastes, hobbies and dreams because of someone else.

Value without idolizing

Usually, the person with emotional dependency idolizes their partner thinking they are valuing or loving and this is a common mistake. While the emotionally dependent person stays at the bottom, humiliating themselves and thinking they are inferior, their partner is put on a pedestal.

However, in a healthy relationship, the loved one is valued without the need to be idolized. To value the partner can celebrate the achievements he or she has achieved, thank for the favors he or she does, praise the good attitudes he or she has, help with some things and give gifts.

Seek autonomy

Doing chores, exercising, doing different activities outside the home without depending on the partner increases the circle of friendships, has the chance to meet new people, other points of view on life, among other positive aspects. With this, you end up freeing yourself little by little from the destructive feelings of emotional dependence.

It is necessary to reinforce that it is not healthy to feel attachment and dependence on a partner in order to live. Moreover, learning to be alone is not a bad thing, there will always be some situations in life in which people need to go through alone or they will not be able to ask for help to solve them.

Seek a professional

Emotional dependency makes a person emotionally ill as a result of the annulment of their own individuality, dreams, career, friendships and hobbies. The most important thing to do to deal with this is to seek a mental health professional, both to help discover the symptoms and to get out of the situation.

In the sessions with a psychologist, the person has total freedom to vent about what he feels, what happens and what he thinks with the professional and all information is restricted only between the two. In addition, the psychological monitoring helps to deal with yourself, with self-esteem, with the detachment of traumas and other factors that undermine mental health.

Is emotional dependency dangerous?

Emotional dependence is dangerous because it makes one person totally dependent on another, manipulates, tries to take away the partner's freedom so that he/she will only be with him/herself. All these attitudes of obsession and attachment disguised as love usually happen unconsciously.

This behavior comes from lack of affection or appreciation in childhood, causing the person to seek affection and attention in a love relationship or even in friendships in some cases. When the partner sees himself in this uncomfortable situation, feeling trapped, he tends to take advantage to manipulate the person until the phase of termination.

In a healthy relationship it is essential to have respect, freedom, understanding, dialogue, friendship and trust in addition to love. When leaving emotional dependence, the person feels freedom for the first time, owning himself and not depending emotionally on someone else, taking care not to fall into this state again.