General considerations about verbal aggression

Each human being has his personality, his way of acting, which can be both positive and negative, his way of interpreting information and communicating. When there are failures in communication and in understanding what is being passed on, it tends to become a big problem.

A simple conversation can turn into an argument and an argument can turn into verbal aggression when there are negative emotions being placed alongside the conversation, such as anger. In addition to intense feelings, verbal abuse is present in a conversation when it crosses the healthy line.

Verbal aggression is used when a person cannot impose their opinions on the other, when they are not being heard and need to go to a more violent attitude to make the individual agree with what is being aggressive. There are other reasons to reach this point, find out what they are by reading this article!

Understand what verbal aggression or violence is

Verbal aggression is present in the daily life of many people, especially those who live an abusive relationship, which can be romantic or not. Understand what verbal aggression or violence is and how to identify it in the following topics.

What is verbal aggression or verbal violence

Verbal aggression or violence is nothing more than an aggressive behavior used to belittle the victim, diminish or manipulate her, in order to make her dependent on him. Many times verbal aggression is practiced to feel power and to feel important in relationships, which can be considered a crime.

However, there are also situations in which this happens because the individual does not have an emotional filter or control, becoming rude or violent in moments of anger, without having the notion of the consequences of these acts. With the accumulation of small arguments and fights, the tendency is to evolve into physical aggression.

Identifying verbal aggression

It is possible to identify verbal aggression through certain attitudes and almost imperceptible signs. In addition, it is necessary to understand that verbal abuse goes beyond offenses, it can come disguised as kind words, for example, when saying that women are fragile, the objective of minimizing the partner or friend is hidden.

The victim may question her own ability, doubt her own thoughts or perceptions, begin to act more passively, may hide thoughts or ideas to avoid emotional distress, self-esteem drops dramatically, mental health is damaged, she cancels herself out, and arguments can escalate to physical aggression.

Other signs that indicate verbal aggression are that the arguments or discussions are always irrelevant, any conversation becomes a fight and may lead to an attack, the aggressor tries to impose himself and does not accept other points of view, feeling exhausted when interacting with the individual, besides being interrupted all the time when trying to speak his opinion.

Indirect and silent verbal aggression

One form of silent aggression or verbal abuse is gaslighting, a type of psychological abuse in which the aggressor distorts information so that it does not match reality. This practice is very common in abusive relationships where the partner is seen as crazy and few people can notice this manipulation.

The abuser denies any fact that the victim says, omits information or distorts it, manipulating situations and making the victim begin to doubt herself. All this so that the abuser makes these situations favorable for himself and the person harmed assumes all the blame.

The way the aggressor expresses himself, the gestures he makes and the tone of voice when he speaks also signals verbal aggression, even if he does not realize it is so. When he is being manipulative or trying to intimidate another person, especially in affective relationships, he does not necessarily use aggressive or rude words to manipulate the victim.

Indirect and silent verbal aggression is the most dangerous, because it is the most difficult to be noticed thanks to the words and phrases disguised as kindness. To deal with it, it is necessary to be very careful when approaching the problem with the person and have a frank conversation, pointing out the attitudes that hurt, because the person may not know that he/she is being an aggressor.

From talk to aggression

When engaging with anyone, whether it's a love partner, a friend, a co-worker or a boss, you need to be careful that the conversation doesn't escalate to physical aggression or more intense psychological abuse. Find out below how a conversation escalates to aggression and what to do if you're a victim.

When the conversation turns into an argument

It is normal for any kind of relationship to go through bad days, there are disagreements, different beliefs, and a disagreement or argument happens. After the disagreement, the interaction between people goes back to the way it was before, with respect and understanding.

However, the conversation becomes problematic when there is a lot of friction and discussions constantly due to emotions on the surface, without having a filter to prevent harsher words from being uttered. No one listens to the other, one wants to speak louder than the other and has no intention of understanding the other's point of view or opinion.

When discussion turns to abuse

The problem is when the argument is constant in the relationship, with a lot of friction, accusations, humiliations, threats, impositions and attempts to silence and control the other. There is no more respect or trust, the aggressions and humiliations increase, everyone wants to be right even if it is necessary to go to more violent attitudes.

It must be remembered that the aggressor is also a manipulator, he can justify himself and apologize, being a discrete form of manipulation to transfer his guilt to the victim. When the aggressor gains the victim's intimacy, the abuses start to become more evident, while at the beginning of the relationship the signs are subtle.

The consequences of verbal aggression

The consequences of verbal abuse can become a lifelong problem, and can be psychological, emotional or even physical if the verbal abuse develops into a physical assault. The damage and suffering can lead the victim into severe depression or even death.

It can take years for a victim of verbal aggression to recognize that a situation they have experienced or are still experiencing is abusive. Many remain silent because they are afraid to face the abuser, to ask for help and the abuser commits some kind of crime, or to be emotionally worn out more than they already are.

Aggression and verbal abuse also come from strangers on social media, further increasing the chances of the person's self-esteem and mental health being damaged. Bullies can also abuse their victims by controlling their networks, with many breakups occurring because of these attitudes.

What to do if you are a victim of verbal aggression

The first step is to identify if you are being a victim of verbal aggression and then seek help from psychologists or other psychotherapy professionals to prevent these aggressions from being perpetuated. The second step is not to allow yourself to be abused, not to play the aggressor's game of manipulation and not to allow disrespect.

Be sure to consult with a psychologist you trust, because with his help and guidance the process of getting rid of this situation will be smoother. Although aggression and verbal abuse are harmful to everyone, remember that some people do not realize they are committing these acts.

How to react to verbal aggression

There are some ways to respond to verbal abuse so that more violent behavior can be avoided, but do not hesitate to ask for help if necessary. Here are some ways to respond to verbal abuse.

Don't fight back

He never retaliates the verbal aggressions and violence he suffers, much less in an aggressive way, at the same level of the aggressor. This reaction worsens the situation, the tension increases and the individual feels challenged or confronted, increasing even more the abuse and rude words.

Moreover, arguments and verbal abuse can evolve into physical aggression, making the situation even more worrying. React in an empowered and peaceful way, with good arguments and avoiding falling for their manipulations.

Take a deep breath

When you notice that the person is arguing aggressively, hold your emotions by taking a deep breath to calm down, because when acting "hot headed" the words are said without filter and there is no time to think of a different way to act, causing more problems and regrets later.

When the abuser realizes the other person is not caring or behaving as they expected, escalating the argument, they become frustrated and may give up arguing further. If it is possible, walk away from the individual, let them talk to themselves and talk about their attitudes when they are calmer at another time.

Show that aggression is occurring

In any healthy conversation it is essential to show the other person what he or she is doing wrong, that such attitude is bothering or that the dialogue was in an aggressive tone. Give the idea to solve this inconvenience in a more calm way and that the aggressor becomes aware not to commit more verbal abuses.

Avoiding talking to the person about the harm they are doing to themselves, and probably others, makes that individual think that everything is okay. Holding onto the hurt and dumping it into an argument that has no way to hide the pain anymore diminishes your credibility and can break up a relationship that could have taken a different course.

The conversation has to happen in a calm way, showing respect and empathy, instead of pointing the finger and accusing the person. Show how you were or are being aggressive, if you continue with the same attitudes, the best solution is to start walking away and end the relationship if possible.

Value the ideas and opinions of others

Dealing with an aggressive person is not easy, however, it is possible to disperse aggression by giving more focus on recognizing the ideas and opinions that make some sense. Thus, the aggressor tends to reduce the discussion and rudeness, giving openness to what is being said.

It is not necessary to agree with what the aggressor is saying, just show that their opinions, being different, are being noticed and taken into consideration. Then, the conversation has more chances to turn into a healthier dialogue and show that it is not necessary to use violence to get somewhere.

Make Room

It is possible to give space, to spend some time away so that the aggressor has time to think about his attitudes, however, there are situations in which it is necessary to exclude the person from life, but it will not be possible to do this with all of them. So, most of the time, the best thing is to decrease the interaction with the aggressor to avoid confrontations.

It's not always a good idea to turn your back on this type of person because it can trigger a more violent reaction, but if it's possible, cut the relationship off. So analyze the individual's behavior and see what the best solution to this problem is, whether it's to decrease the interaction, cut the relationship off, or try to make the coexistence less hostile.

What are the types of verbal violence

There are some attitudes and behaviors that damage the psychological, emotional and life of other people that can be used both in a face to face conversation, or over the internet. To know what are the types of verbal violence, continue reading.

Curses

People usually cuss and swear at various times when emotions are more intense, whether of frustration, sadness or anger. However, this attitude becomes more vigorous in arguments, where anger is hardly controlled and a mouthful can evolve into a crime.

Curses are meant to attack other people and do not solve any situation. When someone begins to utter offensive words often wanting to humiliate and diminish the other because they did not get the result they wanted, it is important to stay alert to prevent something worse from happening.

Accusations

The accusations serve for the aggressor to transfer all the blame and responsibility to the victim, avoiding as much as possible having to bear the consequences. This attitude fits as a type of manipulation, since the person who receives the accusations believes that such blame is his or her own and feels bad for that.

This is present in everyone's daily life, more than you can imagine. For example, those who have toxic parents are blamed for their frustrations, or a friend may put all the affective responsibility on the other for not giving them enough attention when they wanted it, making them feel guilty.

Threats

The aggressor makes use of fear to make his victim feel attacked and surrounded to do something. Fear is a defense mechanism that human beings (and animals) possess and some people manage to manipulate others through this very primitive feeling and that was essential for the survival of the species.

Because of this need to save one's own life, threats are the main weapons of an aggressor to control the victim. An example that is very common to be seen in abusive relationships, either in love or family, is to threaten to go to physical aggression if the person does not do what was told.

Manipulation

Manipulation is a silent and discreet way for the aggressor to control the victim to do whatever he or she tells him or her to do. No matter what type of relationship, whether it is a loving, family, friendship or professional relationship, anyone can use this mechanism to get what they want.

Besides verbal aggression, the victim receives a lot of emotional blackmail, to the point of giving up partial or total control of her life to the aggressor. When the manipulation happens in a love relationship, besides other forms of verbal and psychological aggression, it can evolve into domestic violence.

Judgments

Judgments are other forms of attacks on the victim. The aggressor often speaks badly of the victim's appearance, intelligence, interests, tastes, choices, clothes, way of being, friendships, among others. It is a behavior that diminishes and trivializes the person's achievements or even existence.

It is very common for judgments to be disguised as constructive criticism, because this way the victim can give reason to what the aggressor says, making a possible rejection more difficult. The more the victim is humiliated and judged, the more passive and manipulative she becomes, erasing her essence.

Unwillingness

This practice is very common in the work environment, where a boss or a superior humiliates the employee instead of giving due recognition, but it can also occur in affective relationships.

Jokes

Jokes are one of the silent ways that the aggressor can use to verbally attack his victim and humiliate her, both in front of friends and alone. They are usually sexist, racist, prejudiced jokes that attack self-esteem and denigrate the person's image.

If he takes a stand against these disguised verbal aggressions, the aggressor may accuse the victim of not having a sense of humor, trying to bring embarrassment to the victim. Thus, the victim feels bad and tries to accept the laughter, but it is worth noting that there are people who do not accept this and confront the individual.

Comments on social networks

With the advancement of technology, offenses, attacks, humiliations, judgments and manipulations have become more frequent in the form of comments on social networks. The internet has facilitated contact between people, and with that, so have verbal aggressions and other types of violence.

Aggressive comments can appear in posts, photos or videos and are intended to purposefully impact the victim's self-esteem. However, you can get rid of this by blocking the attacker, deleting what was commented on, unfriending or making the profile closed.

If you identify yourself as a victim of verbal aggression, do not hesitate to ask for help!

Whether on social networks, at work, in the family environment, among friends or with the romantic partner, it is necessary to pay attention not to be a victim of verbal aggression and manipulation. There are several signs that identify when the aggressor is trying to reach another person.

It is important that there is respect in any social and interpersonal interaction, keeping in mind that it is normal to have disagreements and discussions. What cannot happen is that the discussions are frequent, with attacks on self-esteem or belittling the person.

If you identify yourself as a victim of verbal aggression, set boundaries, get as far away from the aggressor as possible and don't hesitate to seek help. A trusted friend, family member or psychotherapy professional can help you through this situation.