How to overcome a disappointment?

Disillusionment is a feeling that no one would like to feel, but it is fundamental in the life of every human being. By being disillusioned, the individual gets in touch with reality and gains awareness of what exactly is happening around them.

However, facing failure in relationships or in any area of life is not always easy to deal with. Realizing that everything you once dreamed and projected for the future has gone down the drain can be extremely distressing and desperate. Therefore, it is essential to know how to overcome a frustration to live in a healthy way.

To help you overcome a disappointment, we have separated, in this text, essential tips to face the process. But we already advance that to overcome this type of frustration is necessary to have patience and willingness to turn around. In addition, do not blame yourself for anything that happened, but learn from mistakes. Continue reading and learn more!

More about disappointment

Frustration or disappointment is part of the life of every human being. After all, we have no control over the behavior of others and even less are we sure of tomorrow. But learn, in the next topics, what science says about this and see the danger of excessive expectations.

Disillusionment according to science

Science states that disillusionment is similar to the pain of mourning. When someone breaks off a relationship with a loved one, the disillusioned person is capable of entering a deep state of depression, completely paralyzing his or her own life. The suffering is real and needs to be welcomed and legitimized by those around.

Psychologists understand disillusionment as a pain that can incapacitate the individual to live fully or enhance personal experiences in order to benefit emotional maturation. It is essential to experience the suffering of loss so that it is possible to give new meaning to grief and learn to live with the absence of the other.

Feeding expectations

When you start a new relationship it is natural to create expectations and desire the success of the partnership. However, the excess of them is highly damaging and intensifies the process of disillusionment. It is essential not to feed too many expectations, because besides generating frustration, you may suffer the following consequences:

- Not identifying a potential abusive relationship;

- Idealize your partner and become disappointed when their behavior differs from your ideal;

- Exclusive dedication to relationships to the detriment of one's own life projects;

- Attempt to mold the partner to your idealizations;

- Skipping stages of the relationship and not enjoying the current moment.

How to overcome a disappointment?

The pain of loss is a suffering that seems to have no end. Living with the absence of the loved one, for example, is something hard to bear. After all, it's not just the person who is gone. With it, you lose the conversations, plans, walks, laughter, socializing in general. To help you move on, see below tips on how to overcome a disappointment.

Give time to time

Regardless of what has happened, disappointment is a pain that doesn't end overnight. You must understand that you are going through a cut in your life and it takes patience to wait for the cut to close. There is a wound in your heart, and like any wound, it needs time to heal.

So don't rush through your overcoming process, but live each day as it comes. Allow yourself to suffer, to cry, to miss someone, because that way you'll be able to give new meaning to all the pain and restore your peace for a new relationship. Otherwise, covering up the sadness will only serve to transfer it to someone else.

One step at a time

In an attempt to overcome a disappointment, especially in the area of love, many make the mistake of trying to heal themselves with another relationship. However, what the great majority of the disillusioned do not understand is that, disguising the pain and taking it to another relationship, only makes the situation worse and increases the feeling of dissatisfaction.

Don't try to "prove" to your ex that you're fine and moving on, because your emotional health is at stake. Instead, take small, comfortable steps. One weekend, go out with your friends, another weekend visit your family, another weekend take care of yourself, and so on. The important thing is to walk lightly and calmly.

Practice forgiveness and accept your mistakes

Generally, disillusionment occurs due to excessive idealization of the person you love or of yourself. In some cases, the individual blames himself/herself for the failure of the relationship. Even though you may have had a share of responsibility in the end of the relationship, understand that mistakes happen. No one in this life is perfect and, therefore, everyone deserves forgiveness, including you.

On the other hand, seek to forgive the other party also if they have wronged you. This does not mean you will forget what they did to you, but forgiveness can ease the pain in your heart. Everyone is liable to make mistakes, and it is from failure to failure that personal development takes place.

Learn from this

All experiences, whether good or bad, contribute to one's own maturation. Therefore, there is always a good side to the adversities that arise along the way. However difficult it may be, believe that there is a positive side to disappointment. There is a valuable lesson that you can draw from the midst of suffering, all you have to do is be attentive.

Looking for learning in the process of frustration, besides helping you overcome the disappointment, will make you a better person in the future. Through reflection, you will understand the reasons that led to the failure of the relationship and will be able to change your view about many points. So, make room for learning through pain.

Value yourself and focus on you

After a disappointment in love, there is usually a low self-esteem, with a high potential to lead the person to depressive states. In these moments, it is essential not to abandon self-care. Now, more than ever, you need to take care of yourself and love yourself with all your strength, not to show your ex that everything is okay, but for you to get back on your feet.

So, try to value yourself, exalting your qualities and attributes of which you are proud. Do not think about embarking on a new relationship now, take care of yourself first, investing time in your personal development. Take courses, try to acquire new healthy habits, make a visual change, try to pay more attention to you.

Stay with cheerful people of good energy

There is nothing better than good friends to help overcome a disappointment. In the process of healing from a frustration, it is necessary to be very careful with certain people. There are those who love to see the suffering of others and others who do everything to brighten the lives of those around them.

Try to be around happy people, with good energy and who love to live intensely. The good vibes will help you throw off all the weight of negative feelings, making you see that life is too beautiful to live in suffering. Allow yourself to be invaded with the joy of those around you.

Let go of the past and prioritize the future

As the popular saying goes: "Those who live in the past are museums". Try not to dwell on the past, because you won't be able to change anything from the past. The only way is to adapt to the new reality and move on. Look back and consider the situations you've lived through as experiences that have shaped your inner self.

Focus your attention on what is to come, feeding a feeling of gratitude for all the learning you have had. Discover new possibilities for your future, seize the opportunities, see the new doors that will open. To overcome disillusionment it is necessary to let go of the past and grab with all your strength the experiences that are on the way.

5 stages of grief and disillusionment

Mourning is characterized as a process of pain for the loss of someone. In this sense, the person who goes through a disappointment also suffers the pain of losing something, whether it is a person, a relationship, dreams or plans. Below, you will discover the 5 stages of grief and understand how they relate to disappointment. Take a look!

Denial

In the denial phase, as the name suggests, there is a denial of the real fact. That is, the person refuses to believe that he or she lost the loved one, that he or she was fired, that the love partnership came to an end. This occurs as an attempt to protect against the suffering of the loss. The pain is so strong that the subject wishes to deny the undeniable, to deny that he or she is living a disillusionment.

Generally, denial is the first phase that the individual enters. It can last a few days or even months depending on the emotional state. It is necessary to take care of this state, because in serious cases, the disillusioned person can even create a parallel reality to sustain the world of illusions that he lived.

Rabies

Realizing that all the time invested in the relationship was practically lost can lead to feelings of despair, fear, anger, guilt, among others. Anger can be directed at oneself or at what was lost by blaming others. In this scenario, it is common to see aggressive attitudes and self-destructive behaviors as forms of manifestation of anger.

All these feelings are natural after a disappointment and are characteristic of the anger phase of the bereavement process. However, it is necessary to know how to deal with them so as not to generate negative consequences. Those who are going through this phase can focus their thoughts on pleasurable activities until they reach the acceptance phase to understand everything that happened.

Bargain

The bargaining or negotiation phase is defined as a desperate attempt to negotiate to reverse the situation. That is, the bereaved person, disillusioned with the breakup of the relationship, makes promises and requests to resume the commitment again. She does everything to make things go back to the way they were before.

It is important to understand that the bargaining phase is actually an attempt to alleviate suffering. For some individuals, the pain of disillusionment is highly unbearable, so they are willing to do anything and accept all kinds of conditions in order to live out their fantasy. In some cases, the illusion is less painful than reality.

Depression

Among all bereavement phases, depression is usually the most intense, mainly when there is disappointment. In this phase, the bereaved person enters a deep state of suffering with successive crying moments. The bereaved person usually isolates him/herself and the pain of the loss feeds even more the depressive state.

It is essential to go through this phase of depression, only then is it possible to experience the pain of the loss and give new meaning to the disillusionment. On the other hand, friends and family need to be close to this person to help him/her get out of this period. The length of stay in the phase varies from individual to individual, but it is important to pay attention so that the bereaved person's life does not paralyze.

Acceptance

In the acceptance phase, the subject comes to understand the reasons that led to the loss of the person. The bereaved person restores his/her peace, learning to live with the absence of the loved one. Of course, the memory of the person who left is never erased, the good memories and the learning that arose with the departure remain.

Overcoming a disillusionment implies going through this acceptance phase to be able to move on and live new relationships. Longing may appear in certain phases of life, but despair no longer arises. In addition, the acceptance of the loss may change throughout life as the 5 phases of grief do not occur in a linear fashion.

How to prevent a disappointment?

To be disappointed, you just have to be alive. It is impossible to avoid a frustration to happen, because we have no control over the other, but it is fully feasible to take some care to prevent against a disappointment. Check below what you should do.

Don't skip the stages of the relationship

When it comes to relationships, it is crucial to keep in mind that there is no specific rule. There are people who fall in love in weeks, move in together in months and build a partner relationship for years. While others go through dating and engagement with great patience, but marriage doesn't even last for months.

The central point to prevent yourself from disappointment is not to skip stages of the relationship by betraying your own feelings. If you feel that it's not the time to take a step further in the relationship, then don't do it. You don't want to rush things in order to live the future, but enjoy every moment of the relationship. Live today and let time take care of everything.

Don't have too high expectations

Entering into a love relationship with very high expectations is a recipe for disillusionment. You can dream, plan, develop goals, but all of this must be based on reality and in total agreement with the other party. Often, frustration arises in a person's life as a consequence of an ideal that they themselves have created.

Understand that you are not alone in the relationship and the other is not perfect. Be careful with the fantasies that appear in your mind when everything is good and healthy. Misunderstandings happen, everyone has flaws and changes can always happen. So, take it easy and see the reality of things.

Be realistic

A key point to prevent disappointment is to keep your head and feet on the ground. Be as realistic as possible and do not try to cover the sun with a sieve. That is, do not try to disguise what is clear. If you notice that something is changing in the relationship, face the fact by assuming the necessary posture.

Disillusionment occurs precisely because of the lack of a sense of reality. Of course it's not easy to recognize certain truths, because living in a world of illusion, where everything is perfect and wonderful, is more comfortable than facing the truth. But believe me, dealing with the real of situations will preserve your emotional health, besides making you a stronger person.

Can I seek psychological help after a disappointment?

Disillusionment is a pain so strong that it is compared to mourning. Because it is an intense suffering, many cannot deal with the situation alone and need someone close by. In these cases, psychological help is a safe point of support for the individual.

The psychologist, through techniques, will welcome the suffering subject, helping him/her to find new paths after a frustration. It is important to be open to treatment, understanding that professional help is indispensable for the healing of the soul.

In this article you got some tips on how to overcome a disappointment, what to do to prevent one from happening, in addition to other relevant information on the subject. Enjoy everything you learned and make good use of this knowledge. Do not neglect the psychological care and understand that you should always come first. Love yourself!