General considerations on affective responsibility

We are in relationships all the time. Whether it's romantically, at work, or with family and friends, the well-being of our relationships depends on how well the parties involved take care of it.

In other words, an essential point for any relationship to work out is that affective responsibility is cultivated. This means that honesty and transparency should be the north of these connections. Being empathetic and respecting the feelings of the other allows the relationship to flow without so many insecurities and broken expectations.

In this article we'll explore what affective responsibility means, what the impacts of its practice and lack thereof are on relationships, and give you numerous tips to help you succeed in your relationships. Want to know more? Read on!

Affective responsibility and how to recognize it

Affection is a natural feeling of the human being, and is expressed through the tenderness that feelings for something or someone. This feeling happens in all relationships and builds the strongest bonds.

Practicing affective responsibility is the foundation of any union. Read on to learn more about affective responsibility in various aspects of life!

What is affective responsibility

In short, affective responsibility concerns ethics and transparency in relationships. It is based on the sincerity of feelings with oneself and with the other, allowing the bond not to arouse insecurities and false expectations.

So when you practice affective responsibility you are considering the other person's feelings and wants, being empathetic and revealing your intentions about that relationship. In this way, the person will feel safe and comfortable with you.

Affective responsibility demands a great deal of understanding about yourself and your desires. After all, to make clear what your desires and expectations are, you need to know them.

How to recognize the lack of affective responsibility

The lack of affective responsibility is characterized by the absence of empathy and respect. It occurs when the person with whom you are in a relationship does not make a point of informing you what they expect from the relationship, and not even respecting your wishes and fears.

The absence of affective responsibility is also present in toxic relationships, where the person uses strategies and tricks to diminish the partner, making him/her feel sad and inferior.

What are the impacts of the lack of affective responsibility

Lack of affective responsibility affects everyone in relationships. The person who cares only about themselves and who cannot empathize with those in their relationship is likely to become a lonely person.

After all, no one wants to live with someone who only cares about their own navel. In turn, the person who lives with a person who does not demonstrate affective responsibility tends to feel insecure, humiliated, and afraid.

Affective responsibility and affective reciprocity

Many people confuse affective responsibility and reciprocity. Although they are related in some cases, it is not always that they go together. Affective responsibility refers to transparency about your feelings and consideration about the feelings of the other. It is empathy in the relationship.

Reciprocity refers to the correspondence of feelings, that is, when there is reciprocity, both parties share the same feeling. It is possible to exist affective responsibility without reciprocity, after all, it is not necessary that you feel the same way as the other person to treat him or her in a respectful way.

An example of the presence of affective responsibility and the absence of reciprocity is when one person makes it clear to another that he or she is not interested in a serious relationship. The feeling may not be the same between the two people, but by making clear his or her intentions, the individual has acted with affective responsibility.

Affective responsibility and emotional responsibility

Some consider affective responsibility and emotional responsibility as synonymous. In general, they are equivalent terms and speak about our responsibility for the feeling we cultivate in the other person.

Situations that call for affective responsibility

Although the term is often used for romantic relationships, such as dating and marriage, affective responsibility is fundamental in all relationships. In friendships, for example, this responsibility is expressed in demonstrations of empathy and companionship.

In the family it is essential to cultivate affective responsibility at all levels, considering the needs and desires of each individual that make up the family group. Even in casual sex, affective responsibility is important, since it is essential to keep all intentions clear.

Affective responsibility in the digital environment

Relationships in the digital environment are often created based on an illusion. Whether it is because of photos or the ease of telling any story, regardless of veracity, digital relationships tend to lack affective responsibility.

This happens because if a relationship is started with a lie, the expectation created will hardly be fulfilled in real life. Besides, keeping in a virtual relationship a false expectation of fulfillment in real life is an example of lack of affective responsibility.

The importance of affective responsibility in People Management

Another sector where affective responsibility is paramount is in people management. The manager acts as a team leader, the one who coordinates and drives. Thus, in addition to emotional intelligence, it is necessary to develop affective responsibility.

In a work environment, there are several individuals and each has its own uniqueness, problems, desires and experiences. Exercising empathy is the key to a humane and effective leadership.

Affective responsibility combined with active listening, respect and kindness are ways to make your team more dedicated and connected. This way, everyone will respect their own limits and those of others, as well as feel encouraged.

How to have more affective responsibility in relationships

Now that you know the importance of affective responsibility for your relationships, you will understand how to develop it. In this topic we will list attitudes and tips to be more empathic in your relationships and have good connections. Read on and understand!

Self-knowledge

The first step to achieve affective responsibility in your relationships is to know yourself. Only by understanding yourself can you relate to others in a healthy way. You need to know your expectations from relationships, what you want from life and from people, in order to be transparent with them.

In addition, self-knowledge allows for the exercise of self-responsibility, which is essential for affective responsibility. After all, only by taking part of your responsibilities towards others can you be empathetic towards them.

Develop dialogue and communicate well

Another primordial point for affective responsibility is communication. It is impossible to be clear with someone if you do not dialogue. It is necessary to be sincere and bring your satisfactions and dissatisfactions.

Talk about your feelings, what you expect from the relationship and what you don't want. Be receptive so that the other party does the same. Develop active listening and listen to what the other person says in an empathetic way.

Verbalize your dissatisfactions

It is common for disagreements to happen in any relationship. People are different and have varied points of view, and these disagreements happen with the simplest and the most complex things.

In these moments, you need to stay calm and verbalize how you feel. Keeping it to yourself will only make you more dissatisfied and prevent the other person from understanding what is going on in your mind and heart. Remember that it may often not be clear to the other person what you dislike, and verbalizing it allows you to come to a consensus.

Attention to individualism

Affective responsibility is based on empathy, and the only way to put yourself in the other person's shoes is to avoid individualism. This does not mean putting your own wishes aside, quite the contrary.

But thinking only about what is good for you is not good for any relationship. Be empathetic and treat the other as you would like to be treated. Keep in mind that we are social beings and that human beings do not survive alone.

While cultivating your individuality is healthy to a certain extent, living around it isolates you from society and hinders any and all relationships you have. So, controlling individualism is necessary to be able to relate in a healthy way.

Don't get your hopes up to feel good

As stated earlier, often affective responsibility is not accompanied by reciprocity. If you are interested in a person who does not feel the same way about you, avoid getting your hopes up and deluding yourself about the situation.

Acting this way only leads to expectations that will probably not be fulfilled. Besides overburdening the other person, this will bring you a lot of pain. Have an honest conversation about how you feel, and if you are not reciprocated, act accordingly.

If you decide to continue relating in any way with the person, keep their position in mind and don't act like the situation is going to change or they are going to fall in love, because that may never happen.

Don't make threats to break up

Some couples who have a serious relationship may experience the problem of the constant threat of termination. This is a situation that degrades the relationship and shows a lack of affective responsibility.

The termination should not be used as a threat or a strategy of manipulation. Both parties need to be fully aware of their feelings and their desire to stay together. Only then will the relationship be positive.

Cultivating insecurity by constantly threatening to break up is abusive and can even cause problems for those involved. If you decide to stay together, be mature enough to face the problems that arise with emotional responsibility.

Take responsibility for your own choices

As said by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry in the book The Little Prince, "You become eternally responsible for what you captive." Responsibility is another key point of relationships.

If you set out to have a relationship with a person, of whatever nature it may be, you need to assume the responsibilities that this bond entails. This is because it is the feelings and wishes of the other person that are at stake.

When you decide for a relationship you choose to share countless things, and acting without responsibility can bring damages of several types for the person, be it emotional, financial, etc.

Affective responsibility in practice

Affective responsibility is not an individual construct. You and those around you must do your part to make the relationship beneficial to everyone. In this section you will discover how to take practical actions to ensure that affective responsibility is maintained in your relationships.

The alignment of expectations

Creating expectations is natural for human beings. We create desires all the time and we envision what each situation can bring for us. However, by creating an expectation, you can create a burden for another party, as well as be disappointed if it is not fulfilled.

Therefore, to avoid suffering on both sides, it is necessary to have clear and aligned expectations. That way, everyone will know what the other expects from the relationship and can consciously decide if they want to share that life expectation. Only with aligned expectations will you be able to build that relationship together.

Transparency about feelings

Another fundamental point is to be transparent about what you feel. The person will not be able to guess what your wishes are and neither if you are unhappy or not with the relationship.

Making your feelings clear avoids misunderstandings and possible confusions. At this moment, it is worth a self-analysis to deeply understand your feelings and then communicate them to the other person being sure of what you feel.

Commitment and empathy

Once the parties are aligned and their feelings are stated, it's time to decide if there will be some kind of commitment. Making it clear what type and level of commitment each party wants is also key to avoiding frustration.

Regardless of the way the couple decides to relate, it is essential that the signed commitment is followed and that empathy prevails. Trust must be present, to avoid feelings such as insecurity and even excessive jealousy.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes when making decisions involving the couple, and be transparent about what you feel and what you want. This will make it much easier to resolve disagreements and problems that arise.

Is it necessary to develop affective responsibility in all relationships?

Although it is usually cited for love relationships, without a doubt it is fundamental to develop affective responsibility in all relationships. We are always dealing with people, and consequently with their feelings.

Thus, regardless of whether the relationship is familial, friendship, professional, or marital, being empathetic and responsible with others is a requirement for a healthy relationship. By practicing affective responsibility you not only preserve the well-being of the other, but also protect your feelings.

Not only practice affective responsibility, but also encourage it among the people you live with. Ask how the person feels, let them feel free to vent and expose their opinions. And when they do, listen with attention and empathy, always seeking dialogue as a bridge to solve problems.